


Torment

by DalishGrey



Series: Ashes and Monuments [5]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Akuze, Character Death, Death, F/M, Lost Love, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Survivor Guilt, Sweat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 22:31:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12142533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalishGrey/pseuds/DalishGrey
Summary: She survived, barely, but now all she sees is their faces in her dreams...and nightmares





	Torment

**Author's Note:**

> It's a little rough, but it's my attempt to bridge the gap between Akuze and M31 :)  
> Concrit is welcomed, I'd love your feedback!

She sunk into the bed and just...kept falling.  
  
Tendrils of darkness spread behind her closed eyes, shrouding her dreams in void. She couldn't feel her heartbeat, she couldn't feel the air that filled her lungs and made them swell with life.  
  
'Is this a dream?'   
  
The ever-increasing blackness covered the pale streets that had only moments before, reminded her of her childhood home. Still, she fell, drifting downwards with her arms reaching to the fading light above. Her feet touched the ground, yet when she opened her eyes and looked below, she walked on little more than air. Everything was just...black. Faint images flittered around her, voices whispered, their words quiet and almost inaudible.  
  
 _"Y- di- th-."_  
  
She walked forward, cautious, but curious. The darkness stirred fear in the pit of her stomach, it dragged its way to the surface, cutting through her walls.   
  
The voices grew louder and colours swirled into clarity. A face. Appearing and vanishing in constant repetition. Chestnut hair and pale blue eyes.  
  
She knew her face, young and kind... _too_ young and kind.  
  
"V-Vale?"  
  
The woman stepped forward, her body covered in blood and splintered armour. Her hair clung to her cheeks, and Shepard watched in horror as Vale's face became gaunt and pale, her flesh raw and scarred.  
  
 _"You did this!"_  Her voice was like sandpaper, scratching at Shepard's ears, making her mouth run dry.  
  
She knew what she meant, of course she knew, it was all she had thought in the months since Akuze. It was her fault.   
  
"I'm sorry..." Shepard replied, the words catching in her throat, strangled by tears. "I'm so sorry..."  
  
 _"You did this!"_  Vale lunged forward, screaming, her hands grasping for Shepard's clothes.   
  
Without thinking, she turned on her heels and ran, sobbing as the woman behind her chased with hunger in her eyes, her body decaying by the second. Skin stretched and sagged, blood stained her lips, icy-blue eyes now bloodshot and wide open; wild.   
 _  
"You did this!"_  
  
Shepard stumbled over her own feet, but didn't hit the floor. Instead she fell, hurtling through the unending blackness below her.   
 _  
_ _Thud_.  A burst of pain exploded inside of her, her head rang and her body throbbed, as though every nerve was hit at once. She wept and hugged her legs to her chest. With her eyes closed, she stayed there, dwelling in her sadness. Cold spread across her skin and she looked to see metal plates forming beneath her, shifting, unstable. Laughter rung out in the quiet, joined by the faint sound of a stone falling, bouncing from rock to rock. It was familiar, but she couldn't quite pinpoint it.   
  
 _"You weren't fast enough."_  Someone stated.   
  
She knew the voice, the slight lilt, the boyish-warmth.   
  
"Eli?"   
 _  
"You weren't fast enough."_  
  
She stepped closer, he didn't look as bad as Vale, his eyes tired and lips dry, as though he'd simply gone without sleep. The familiar mining-room lighting blinked to life and then she saw them, the blotches of blood that covered his dirty blonde hair.   
  
"No.No, please." She knew. Dread flooded to her heart and tears pricked at her reddened eyes.  
  
 _"You weren't fast enough."_  He stepped back, dropping from her view almost instantly.  
  
"No!" She sprinted forward and reached for his hand, but with a painful repetition, she was too slow. Their fingers tips barely grazing. Everything faded to black, and there she was again, looking him in the eye as he stood on the precipice, though this time he was further away.  
  
He stepped back.  
  
She ran.  
  
The same scene repeated itself over and over and over, the distance between them growing with every attempt at saving him. Until finally, she stopped, falling to the floor with an anguished scream.  
  
"Stop it, please..." Shepard sobbed, wanting to wake up, praying that she would.She cried out in pain as something coarse and sharp wrapped around her ankle. Looking down, she yelped, a strangled sound that caught in her throat as their eyes locked.  
  
 _Sascha. _  
  
His face was red, oozing and raw, with eyes wild and hungry as he clawed at her legs. His jaw gaped and he snarled, his broken nails digging into her calf.   
  
She kicked, full force, the heel of her foot colliding with what was left of his nose. He dropped into nothingness, gone as quickly as he appeared.He was like something out of a horror vid, the godawful things that Danny used to make her watch. Though there wasn't as much guilt in her system over Sascha, which in turn spurred guilt.   
  
"Oh God, Danny..."   
  
His death...the one she didn't see...but the one that crushed her the most. Brother. Confidant. Partner in crime. He'd been by her side since day one and now...  
  
She blinked slowly, now expecting her surroundings to change, and they did. Everything became grey, the walls of the corridor rising around her, pale white light filling the blocks of emptiness.   
  
Then it started to fall. Slabs and boulders crashed around her and she scrambled to her feet, destruction clinging to her heels, the sound of rumbling drowning out anything else. She threw a quick glance behind and saw him, running in the opposite direction, shouting and firing, determined and untouched.  
  
She went tumbling, sharp pain shooting through her foot as she collided with a rock.   
  
"Fuck!" Shepard cried out, agony claiming her body as its host. "Mother fucking...!"   
  
It all seemed so real, too real. She grasped her foot and the memory flooded to the forefront of her aching mind.  
  
He shouted those final two words that signaled the end as the creatures bellowed in triumph, the building collapsing on top of him.  
  
She clawed at the ground beneath her, screaming, distraught. Then there it was, the knife to the chest, the searing pain that came with a broken heart.   
  
"Why did you do it? Why did you have to do it?" Shepard sobbed, her hands slipping to her hair as her body shuddered. She squeezed her eyes shut and moved to push herself up to her feet. Her hands slipped on the ground, concrete turned to damp mud and half-crisp leaves.   
  
Shepard knew exactly where she was...the mewl of the dying creatures echoing in the back of her mind. Then there was...warmth, a slow, seeping feeling as a familiar touch spread on her arm. Strong. Firm. But loving in the way only he was. She looked up, trying to focus through tear-blurred eyes until finally, he came clearly into view.  
  
His pale blue eyes looked down at her with a melancholic love, bittersweet.   
  
She clambered to her feet and wrapped her arms around his waist, relishing in the sturdiness of him.  
  
"Adam...please make it stop..." She sobbed against his chest, sinking further into his embrace as his hand moved to her hair, holding her close.   
  
 _" Shh_ _, it's okay Tess, it's okay,"_ he sighed against the top of her head, pressing a gentle kiss to her hair.   
  
"I..."  
  
 _"You don't have to say_ it _Tessa, I know, but you need to stop feeling guilty for surviving."_ There was a subtle  sternness to his voice, both comforting and reprimanding. His grip on her softened, as thoughhe contemplated letting her go. He slipped a hand up to cup her cheek and lifted her eyes to meet his. _"I love you, but y_ _ou need to keep moving forward."_ Adam pressed a feather-light kiss to her dry, parted lips.   
  
"Adam..." She all but wept, feeling his hold on her wane.  
  
 _"You need to get back up."_  
  
He squeezed her one last time, nuzzling into her neck; before turning away and walking into the emptiness, his tall form slowly shrouded with black.   
  
She reached out a trembling hand and sighed, a deep shaky breath that made her ribs ache. ' _Was it that simple? Just get back up and stop feeling guilty?'_  
  
"I love you too..."   
  
She bolted upright, her tank top clinging to her sweat-drenched skin, tears pouring down her cheeks, her chest heaving with deep, quaking breaths. Frantically she looked around her room, the bright white walls were almost blinding and a pale golden hue lingered in the air, the sign of early morning.  _Home. She was safe._ Shepard sobbed, fingers in her hair and heart aching. Their faces lay imprinted behind her eyelids and she forced them open, not wanting to see their faces any longer. Her whole body...hurt. The image of Sascha's claw-like hands flashed back to mind and she threw aside her duvet, but all she saw when she looked at her leg was the predominant scar that marred her skin. Her constant reminder of Akuze.  
  
_This was her price._  
  
_Her reward for surviving._  
  
_Her torment._


End file.
